Mon, Aug 8, 2011 at 11:46 AM
So yesterday I received a DM saying "Well I feel like you're too sensitive and make my TL depressing...it's always something with you! You NEVER act happy!". As soon as I got that message I instantly texted Katie (TeamMinajAustin). I was in tears and really hurt by it. I know some of you may say "Why was she so hurt. I just would have went off." But you don't understand. I know how to act happy. I can ACT happy all day. But that doesn't mean I am truly happy. I texted Katie because she knows exactly how I feel. When this person DM'd me I just wondered...If they always noticed that I was never happy, how come they never stopped to say "Jocie, do you need someone to talk to? What's wrong?". It's obvious they didn't give a damn. My thing is, don't try to tell me I'm depressed or never happy if you never tried to help. You have no right to open your mouth and say a gahtdamned thing! And that's just being real about the sh*t. Now, like I said before...I can act happy all damn week if I wanted to. But would that mean I was truly happy? Honestly, when that person said that to me. I immediately thought about what Nicki said on My Time Now. "I give off the impression that I'm never happy." I admit, I do. I know I do. People need to understand instead of bashing someone when they're down & having little private phone conversations about them, you NEED to see if the issue is serious. But like I said before, that person obviously didn't give a damn. Probably never did. This is someone I use to be really close with and I noticed that we started drifting apart. We just didn't talk anymore. Like, people don't know this about me, but when I have a friendship with someone, even within TM, I cherish the hell out of that friendship. I honestly hate to see friendships go, but I have no control over that. So whatever, more power to you. I just think it's hilarious how someone who never even attempted to ask what was going on in my life, had the nerve to bash me for making their TL "depressing". Am I depressing because I don't tweet "OMG! I haven't met Nicki yet! That makes me so sad! " Like would you rather me tweet "OMG! Yay! My dad is an alcoholic! YAY!!!" I don't understand. Would you rather me tweet all of my worries with smiley faces & exclamations? Get real. Sweetie, life isn't butterflies and rainbows. Some people go through shit. I've been going through shit since I was f*cking brought into this damn world. I continue to keep a smile on my face, but somehow people always seem to notice the dark cloud above my head. Maybe if I stick a sunshine sticker on it you'd forget. Meaning would you rather me be able to vent my issues to get over them or bottle them in and continue on with false happiness? Before you try to tell me I'm never happy, try asking if I ever knew what happiness is.