Blogs

Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 3:26 PM

My Last Letter To " NICKI MINAJ "

THE END IS NEAR && IDK WHERE IM HEADED BUT HERE IT GOE'S :::

DEAR NICKI , I KNOW THIS MAY SEEM LONG BUT IF ANY 1 IS OUT THERE AND WANT'S 2 HEAR ME OR CARE'S PLEASE READ THIS, AS I LISTEN 2 SAVE ME && AUTOBIOGON REPEAT I THINK ABOUT HOW YOU TAUGHT ME SO MUCH , AS A PERSON && MADE ME GROW CONSTINTALLY AS I SIT HERE N LOOK @ OUR PICTURE'S VIDEO'S AND ALL OF OUR MEMORIE'S U BROUGHT SO MUCH HAPPINESS 2 TRULY THINK DAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY BECAUSE WITH ANYTHING U RELATED IS WHERE IM HAPPY MOST , N NO 1 CAN TAKE DAT POWER AWAY , BUT ME BEING MISERABLE & LIVIN THE LIFE I LIVE IN WITCH A WEEK AND A HALF AGO I WANTED 2 TAKE MY LIFE AWAY FOR THE 2ND TIME LAST WAS WEN I WAS 17 ,AS I WRITE DIS ANOTHER CONFILICT HAPPEN CUZ I TRYED 2 HIDE MY LABTOP WITHOUT MY FATHER SEEING , N HE SEEN IT SO I HAD 2 LIE MY WAY OUT SO NOTHING BAD OCCUR'S ISNT IT A SHAME IM A GROWN ASS MAN && DIS MUST HAPPEN 2 ME AT A AGE LIKE DIS , IM AT A POINT WITCH WEATHER I DONT KNOW IM BETTER OFF RUNNING AWAY OR KILLING MYSELF BECAUSE IM SO TIRED OF BEING TIRED , I HAVE SO MANY GOAL'S && DREAM'S I WANT 2 FULL FILL BUT I CANT REMAIN STRONG NO MORE IM TIRED OF BEING SOME 1 SAD STORY OR SOME 1 HAVIN SYPATHY FOR ME , SO I FELT THIS WAY IN MY RECENT BLOG , N I DIDNT STICK 2 IT & COUPLE MONTH'S WENT BY N IT WENT 2 SQUARE 1 BACK TO THE BULLSHIT , I WAS BORN && RAISED THIS WAY , NO 1 UNDERSTANDS ME , I KNOW IT'S ALOT OF PPL WHO HAVE IT WORSE DEN ME BUT THAT DOESNT ME I HAVE IT GOOD IN ANY WITCH WAY FORM OR MATTER , MY FATHER THREW IN MY FACE IM A HOMO IM GAY , HE SHOULD HAVE LEFT ME WEN MY MOTHER DIED WITH AID'S , YES PPL MAY THINK HE SAYS IT ONLY CUZ HE IS MAD , BUT HE IS A GROWN MAN AND ONLY US CONTROL THING'S DAT COME OUT OF OUR MOUTH SO IF U MAKE DAT MISTAKE MORE DEN 3 TIMES TRY 10 THEN IT MEAN'S DAT MUST BE A INNER FEELING UR TO SCARED 2 ADMIT , AS MUCH AS I SEE LIFE IS SO SHORT AND HIM HAVIN A HEART CONDITION N NO 1 IS PROMISED 2MORROW I TRY AND TELL HIM THE NEGATIVE ROUTE IS NO WAY TO GO BUT HE WILL NEVER CHANGE BUT I SEE AS MYSELF I WANNA CHANGE N KNOW MY LIFE ISNT WORTH TAKING BECAUSE OF HIS WAY'S CUZ IM NOTHING LIKE HIM , BUT 2DAY IS THE DAY I PUT 2 AN END OF HIDING BEHIND DIS SHIELD LIKE IM STRAIGHT WHEN HE AND EVERY 1 AROUND ME KNOW'S IM NOT , SO 2DAY I DECIDE IM GOING 2 RUN AWAY NOT KNOWING WHERE I MAY BE HEADED OR WHERE I WILL END UP , BUT HE WILL KNOW DAT IM GAY AND DAT IS WEN I KNOW IT WILL BE OVER , BUT IM GOING 2 LOOK INTO FINDING HELP OR A SHELTER I CAN CHECK MYSELF INTO , AND SOON FIND A JOB , BECAUSE AS SAD AS THIS MAY SOUND I HAVE NO FAMILY OR NO FRIEND'S I CAN TRUST WHEN IT COME'S 2 EVEN VENT TO , DAT IS Y I FEEL SO ALONE AT NIGHT OR WHEN I WAKE UP , I REFUSE 2 KEEP LIVING LIFE UNTRUE AND UNHAPPY CUZ IF I CHOOSE 2 LIVE LIKE DAT DEN I WOULDNT WANNA LIVE AT ALL , EVEN THO THE THOUGHT PASSES MY EYE'S EACH DAY OF COMITING SUICIDE BECAUSE I TRULY JUST WANNA BE AT PIECE N SLEEP , BUT THIS LETTER GOE'S OUT 2 --->

NICKI MINAJ ::: I GREW A BOND WITH U , AND I THANK GOD TRULY FOR U CUZ WEN I FEEL AS IF THERE IS NOTHING OR NO 1 ON EARTH LIVIN FOR THERE IS U , N TO LIVE OUT YA DREAM'S AND ACOMPLISHMENT'S IS THE BEST JOURNEY I HAVE EVER BEEN ON IM NOT YA ORDINARY PERSON WHO SMOKE'S DRINK'S OR DO ANYTHING LIKE DAT I FIND MY HAPPINESS IN EVERYTHING U RELATED N U MAKE ME FEEL AS IF IM WANTED OR NEEDED AROUND , N U ALWAY'S SAID NEVER GIVE UP AND THIS LETTER IS A TOKEN OF MY PROMISE 2 SHOW U IM NOT GOING 2 GIVE UP , BUT I DONT KNOW WHERE IM HEADED OR WAT'S IN STORE FOR ME , BUT I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE , THANK U FOR HAVING THIS IMPACT ON ME , AND BEING SUCH A HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE , IDK WHERE I WILL BE GOING OR WILL I HAVE WIFI OR INTERNET SERVICE SO U WONT SEE ME TWEETING U AS MUCH AS I USED 2 , SO I WANT U 2 KNOW THAT ALL I ASK OF U IS TO PRAY FOR ME THAT I DONT GIVE UP AND GOD PULL'S ME THRU WITH SO MUCH PPL WHO WISH BAD UPON ME N GET JOY OUT OF SEEING ME MISERBLE I AM CONFIDENT DAT U LOVE ME AND WANT WAT'S BEST FOR ME AND I MEAN DIS WITH ALL MY BEING UR THE ONLY REASON I DONT WANNA COMIT SUICIDE U MAKE LIFE SO MUCH WORTH LIVING , BUT THIS STRUGGLE , FRIEND'S BACK STABBING ME , NOT HAVING CLOTHE'S REPEATING OUTFIT'S , SO MUCH , I WANT OUT OF LIFE AND UR THAT GUIDENCE I WISH I ALWAYS WANTED IN A MOTHER N I TELL U I KNOW MY MOTHER IS UP IN HEAVING SMILING DAT I LOOK UP 2 SUCH A ROLE MODEL WITHIN U NICKI , HOPEFULL EVERYTHING FALL'S INTO PLACE N I GET 2 BE HERE 4 CELEBRATION WITH U ON UR SUCCESS IN 2012 SAD THIS HAD TO HAPPEN 2 ME AROUND CHRISTMAS BUT EVERYTHING HAPPEN'S FOR A REASON AND I PUT THE END 2 IT 2DAY BECAUSE I CANT KEEP LIVING A WAY I REFUSE 2 AND ISNT HEALTHIER 4 ME OR ANY 1 AROUND ME , SO ONCE AGAIN NICKI THANK U I APPRICATE U SO MUCH , AND LOVE U FOR EVER ALL I HAVE LEFT IS OUR PIC'S 2 HOLD ME ON TO PULL ME THREW I LOVE U SO MUCH NICKI THANK U 4 NEVER JUDGING ME AND ACCPECTING ME FOR WHO I AM AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST NEVER LEAVING MY SIDE :( :( :( PLEASE PRAY FOR ME MUAH XOXO - Chrissy .



SAFAREE ::: THANK U 4 MAKING EVERY THING HAPPEN FOR ME , AND EVERY MOMEN I SHARED AND FOR TAKING ME IN AS YOUR LIL BROTHER , N LIVING OUT THE DREAM OF ME HAVING A BROTHER WEN MINE PASSED WEN I WAS 6 UR EVERYTHING I DREAMED OF IN A BROTHER , I WILL ALWAY'S REMAIN A RIDER FOR U AND NICKI WITH EVERY FIBER IN MY BODY , BUT U KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE IT AND KNOW MY TOLERANCE LEVEL CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE AS MUCH AS U SHOWED ME NOT TO CARE WAT OTHER'S THINK OF N DO U ITS BETTER SAID DEN DONE , AND IT'S MORE TO THE STORY THEN I CAN SAY , BUT UR THE ONLY MAN WHO MAKE'S ME LAUGH AND SMILE WITH EVERY SIMPLE THING U DO PPL WONT NEVER UNDERSTAND , AND IM POSITVE U WILL READ DIS AND MAKE SURE NICKI DOE'S BECAUSE IN YOUR EYE'S U SEE WHAT SHE MEAN'S TO ME AND U EYE LOVE U WITH ALL MY HEART AND I PRAY I PULL THRU IMA MISS U GUY'S AND WITH ALL HOPE'S I WILL SEE YALL SOON ILL ALWAYS BE THE REGULATOR , SELMOP ONCE AGAIN I LOVE U BIG BRO SAFAREEEEEE


P.S { MY EARLOBE'S WILL ALWAYS BELONG TO NICKI && SAFAREE }



#TEAMMINAJ ::: I KNOW MANY OF U DISLIKE ME && MANY OF U WILL LOVE ME , BUT I DO HOPE U ALL LEARN SOMETHING FROM ME DONT TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED , && WILL LEARN A THING OR 2 FROM ME , EACH 1 I TWEET OR LITTLE I MAY FOLLOWED OR SOME I MAY HAVE MET I THANK YALL CUZ WEEK'S AGO U GUY'S SAVED ME FROM COMITING SUICIDE && AS MUCH AS I STILL AM THINKING OF IT NOT ONLY NICKI IS THE REASON IM NOT BUT U GUY'S ARE AS WELL IM SO THANKFULL FOR YALL


DANI , BELLA , PHILLY ::: THANK U 4 UR KIND WORD'S AND U INSPIRATION , WITCH LEAD'S ME DOWN THE RITE PATH OUT OF OUR DISPUTE'S U GIRLS ARE ALWAYS DERE 4 ME & 1 DAY EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT NOT HOPING FOR PERFECT BUT ALRIGHT :(


CASHLEY && ANGIE :: FOR ALWAYS MAKIN ME SMILE WEN IM DOWN

Shari ::: ALL OF THEM PIC'S U EVER DID FOR ME ALL HELPED WEN I WAS DOWN MAY SOUND IMMATURE BUT U HELPED ME AS WELL


Brandi , Cassie ::: U R THE ONLY 1 GIRL'S WHO I CAN SAY KNOW HOW MUCH I NEED A JOB AND ARE WILLING 2 HELP ME AND I THANK U GUY'S SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING


PLAY BOY KEN ::: EVERY TIME WE TALK OR LISTEN 2 MUSIC OR EVEN U HELPING ME WANTING ME 2 DANCE SO I DONT BE SAD BY DOING A MIX FOR ME GOE'S 2 SHOW UR PLACE



EYE LOVE #LAUREN , #CANDI , #TERRANCE , #JAMES #MARTIN && EVER 1 WHO EVER SHARED KIND INSPIRATIONAL WORD'S WITH ME


I THANK ANY && EVERY 1 WHO TOOK THE TIME && READ THIS AND IDK WHERE I MAY BE HEADED OR WAT'S IN STORE FOR ME BUT ROCK BOTTOM HIT ALONG TIME AGO BUT GUIDED ME 2 WHERE IM AT NOW SO IDK WHERE OR WHEN IS THE NEXT TIME I MAY SPEAK 2 ANY OF YALL BUT I LOVE YALL 1 THING I ASK IS PLEASE PRAY FOR ME I CAN USE IT && IF I DONT MAKE IT I GOT 2 SAY MY LAST WORD'S 2 PEOPLE WHO MEAN THE MOST TO ME AND MAKE ME FEEL WANTED OR NEEDED LOVE ALWAY'S - CHRISSY :(

  1. TM4LYFEBXTCHES avatar

    On Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 11:34 PM, TM4LYFEBXTCHES said:

    KEEP YOUR HEAD UP CHRISSY! WE ALL U.. @TM4LYFEBXTCHES XOXO

  2. JessicasWorldXO avatar

    On Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 12:05 PM, JessicasWorldXO said:

    Chrissy, I dont know you that much and can definitly identify with you but everytime I think of taking my life I think of nicki and how disappointed she would be, youre worth much more than this and I know you will be ok. Team Minaj is praying for you and we love you very much,

    Love you,
    Jessica Blackmon Aka @Ms_JazzyB or Jazzy Minaj

  3. KaranMinaj' avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 4:53 PM, KaranMinaj' said:

    Both your stories are inspiring and tragic. But I have one thing to request, never commit. It's not worth it, I have had to deal with alot - which I would rather not discuss, suicide was on my mind alot and was always a viable option. Then one day I watched a Nicki interview and she said that by killing yourself, your giving up and letting whatever is bothering you, win. She also went to to say that she wants to raise us babrzz as warriors, so we can stand up for ourselves. So we can stand on our own. If you ever want to talk, you can message me, I'm not here to judge - just help.

  4. KaranMinaj' avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 4:53 PM, KaranMinaj' said:

    Both your stories are inspiring and tragic. But I have one thing to request, never commit. It's not worth it, I have had to deal with alot - which I would rather not discuss, suicide was on my mind alot and was always a viable option. Then one day I watched a Nicki interview and she said that by killing yourself, your giving up and letting whatever is bothering you, win. She also went to to say that she wants to raise us babrzz as warriors, so we can stand up for ourselves. So we can stand on our own. If you ever want to talk, you can message me, I'm not here to judge - just help.

  5. iRawq avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 4:42 PM, iRawq said:

    Hey Chrissy, I know we don't know each other too well outside of our few convos on facebook and twitter, but I just want to say keep your head up! Like I tweeted you, don't let "giving up" be an alternative and don't allow "can't" to become part of your vocabulary. I don't know how it feels to lose a parent, but I do know how it feels living in a home where you don't feel accepted. I also know how it feels to be homeless and it is not something i would like to see anyone go through. We probably grew up differently but I can definitely relate to you, being that I'm only a year younger, trying to sort out what I want to do in life. I have a job but I'm still not happy. I cannot tlstress it to you enough to not give up, God has bring you too far for you not to fail Chrissy! I'm going to pray for you as I pray for myself everyday. STAY STRONG bro!

  6. TeamminajNigeria avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 4:32 PM, TeamminajNigeria said:

    xoxo. we love you chrissy

  7. NickisXTRABugUK avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 3:58 PM, NickisXTRABugUK said:

    OMG i feel so sorry for you. im in tears writing this atm chrissy and i wish i could help you. my life has been the worst ever. i dont live with parents. even my mother threatened to take me to court because i didnt want to be around her. my dad used to be an alcoholic and druggy but he has moved on with his soon to be wife and the only people who care about me is my cousin & nan but they dont truly understand the meaning of it. im 14 years old and when i was 12 i lived in a high rise flat in my area and my mother was never there on the weekends and my sister used to go out with her mates i didnt want to live either and i wrote it on my bedroom wall in RED marker. i dont class my sister as a sister as she is never there to guide me or support me. ever since i herd nicki i have stook ever since and tbh she dont understand. i love her with all my heart. and when i watched her E documentry i cried the whole time because i knew if i had commited i wouldnt of been able to live my dreams. my dream is to live in america and be a singer/ artisit and i know it may never happen. everyday i wait for nicki's tweets to come tru just so she can cheer me up. i dont ask for much off any of my family and i dont like to but the only things i ask for involve nicki and it will never happen. im sorry this has happened chrissy but please dont go ever since i herd this story i will hold it to my heart. i love nicki and SB with all my heart and i hope 1 day i can tell them. 2 years ago i went to school like a normal child. and then soon came my mothers boyfriend who i hate. i moved to live with my dad but i nearly lost him to alcohol related and i couldnt take it so my nan has took me on. i moved school and i got bullied for 8 months i couldnt take it any longer but before i could do something the boys did it for me. they punched me kicked me to the floor and stamped on me until i got marks over me. i was very upset and i dont see the point living life if i have to go thru all that again. no 1 understands how much nicki means to me like she has taken over my heart. the most songs that connect to me is FLY & SAVE ME. i listen to them all the time. i wish i could go back time to try and change things but you cant change an alcoholic or druggy they have to do it them selves. my mum says she wanted to commit last year. but she didnt but i dont have a mother and daughter bond with her neither with my father. the only bond i have is with nicki ever single word that comes out of her connects with me in a weird way. i want to live a life with no pain or worry but i know i will never be able to. but i hope 1 day nicki will see and that she will help me in the same way she helped you and wishes may come true but i dont understand why i suffered with all this. i wrote poems upon poems upon songs upon paragraphs of my sadness and it still hasnt gone away. i dont go anywhere i go to school and come home because people judge me wrong and i get scared. i dont have many friends only 1 or 2 but most of them backstab me everyday.

    I thank Nicki Minaj for the inspiration that i have taken to heart and i hope 1 day she will be able to help me through it all. i fricken love her with all my heart not that way but like a sister like i wish i had a sister that will look down on me and help me through the hard times and that she will help me with anything and i just hope nicki realizes and i hope i can say it to her 1 day and ask her for the help.

    but Chrissy please dont go , if you ever need to talk i am TM that will help you out mate. you seem a nice boy and seem pretty funny. but if you need to talk my twitter name is @MaisyBrumBarbie im always here to help a TM member out okay ...... please read this Chrissy . Nicki . & SB i love you all xoxo ...... :( !!!!

  8. KrissyTia avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 3:51 PM, KrissyTia said:

    hey chrissy.....i said a prayer for you and i sent u a few tweets. Please check them out

    Kristia

  9. KurtIsGaga4Minaj avatar

    On Tue, Dec 13, 2011 at 3:31 PM, KurtIsGaga4Minaj said:

    Chrissy :( this is soo painful, i know you don't know me very well but we are FB friends and i follow you on twitter. Feel free to message me or even call me just to talk i refuse to lose any of my TM family.

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