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Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 1:33 AM

Marilyn MoNika

Very brief post, but I heard the song & felt like writing [from Nicki's point of view]…


Dear Diary,

I try my best and it seems as if my best isn't good enough… What do they want from me? I can't do everything. I'm only human. I can't please everyone. I have my down days… my ups. Lately everything has been working in my favor and it feels great. I'm finally living the life I dreamed of. It seems like it took forever to get here, but here I am. And I'm still not where I want to be. At least it doesn't feel like it. I can't get comfortable now. I must keep moving forward. I'm going to accomplish a great deal in my life. I'm going to open doors for millions of girls and boys. This is it. This is me. This is who I've become. People know me as Nicki Minaj, but nobody knows Onika. Only he does… he knows me inside and out. Everything about me he knows. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. And it's kinda funny to me. He's different. He prefers me… bare. No makeup, dressed down, maybe a wig. The black one though. I can tell he'd rather me wear my hair natural, but he tolerates it and I love that. He always puts my feelings before his. I remember once I came in the studio to record with him thinking I was dressed as casually as possible, but he stopped me after we hugged. He goes, "What are those?" looking at my face. I forgot I had my lashes on, lol. He is so pressed about those, it's so cute though. I told him they were just lashes and I looove my lashes. I feel naked without them. He gave me a small smile and we left it at that. I smiled back, shaking my head and we got down to business. Make Me Proud was the finished product. It turned out great. I can't wait til it hits the airways. Everyone's gonna love it. I know TM will. Those are my babies. It's weird the relationship I have with my fans. My team. It's hard to explain. You just have to feel it. Feel the love to understand. They accept me for who I am and we've come a long way. They've been with me since I first started this crazy journey. I love them with all my heart. I just wish there was some way I could hold them all. They always tell me they love me and I'll never understand how much, but I get it. The love is mutual. Shoot, I think I love my team more than they love me, lol. I can't thank them enough for allowing me to be who I am. And it's funny the names they give me. I remember the first was LapDanceNika. I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that and it doesn't even stop there. There's just so many I can't even recall them all. TM is the best. The absolute best. And they're the only ones that really matter. I do this for them. They witness my mistakes and I try not to show my insecurities, but I can't deny that they're there. And they still support me. I mean, everyone has flaws, right? I tend to be selfish and a bit impatient too. And yea, I can get real low sometimes. But then I have those days where I can get high and I feel untouchable. Like, I'm flying where nobody can get to me and I can never come down. You can call it a curse or you can just call me blessed. It's up to you to decide. I wonder… is this how Marilyn Monroe felt? I'm sure this must be how Marilyn Monroe felt. I remember she had this quote I really liked. It's basically saying if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best. That's how I feel. And it seems like all the good things fall apart, but if you stay true to yourself, I believe you won't end up losing your soul. You won't lose who you are as a person. And I'll never be perfect, but believe me, I'm worth it so take me or leave me.

xoxo

  1. cl-@$$-y_Barb avatar

    On Wed, Aug 8, 2012 at 6:38 PM, cl-@$$-y_Barb said:

    its kind of weird how you try to relate it to her as if youre actually her but i still like it mwaahh love to you and the blog

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